Mar 10

Recently I posted a blog about the importance of having a vision for your marriage. It is good for you to know where you are going in your marriage, so you can move in the direction the Lord is taking you. However, what happens when you and your spouse have two completely different visions that seem to clash? What happens when both visions are clearly different? Can they be melded somehow? Why would God give two people who are supposed to be “one” two completely different visions for the same marriage? These are questions that came up many times in the first few years of our marriage, and I didn’t really understand it at first. So I’ll take you on my journey for a moment.

When Evan and I started out, I had a picture of staying home, raising kids, taking care of our family life, and homeschooling. I knew in my heart that family was so important. For me, it was the most important thing, and I placed very high value on it. Yet I found out right away that Evan had a very different perspective and therefore different expectations than I had. He had a clear vision of the need for us to be financially secure, so he pictured me working and bringing in money to help support us. I had no desire to start down that course. I thought that if he got used to my income, I would never be able to fulfill my vision of homeschooling our children. His vision for our marriage seemed to be in direct contrast to mine. He viewed me staying at home a waste, because he believed that we needed my income just to pay the bills. You see where this is going.

Both visions were very important, both were necessary for our marriage to thrive, but both were very different. Now please realize something, in the order of marriage ordained by God, the man is the head of the woman. God’s word clearly tells us that we are to submit to our husbands, so I did. I did what needed to be done for our family and got a job. Little did I realize that at the time, it was very vital to our financial survival. He was on to something. He saw something that I didn’t see. I wasn’t completely happy about it, but I was intentional about making the most of it and giving it my all. However, I have never had great luck in the marketplace. It is not my gifting. But we made ends meet and we were, at least for the moment, carrying the same vision.

During that whole time however, my vision never changed. I would wonder if or how my vision would fit in. So, when it looked like the exact opposite of what I saw, I had to have faith that God would work it out. I believe that when I submitted to my husband, he saw me do something that he knew I was not comfortable with to please him and honor him. It softened him toward me.

A couple of years passed and one day everything changed. God divinely showed up and in the same week we found out Evan was promoted, we were moving, and oh…I was pregnant. You see, when God shows up, everything changes. The next thing you know, I had to quit my job because we were leaving. Then we realized that the place we were moving to was nicer and less costly, so we could live on one income. And as I began motherhood, I noticed my heart explode in the reality that I was now living out my vision! And so was Evan! Two visions melded into one by the grace and circumstance of God Himself!

Remember I said a couple of years passed, then everything changed. I’d like to talk about the couple of years. During that time my vision never changed, and I wrestled with God on it many times. I went through some dark, arid places, feeling almost dead inside. I am really passionate about my relationship with God, and I felt like honoring my husband was in stark contrast to what I believed God had put on my heart. Who do I follow, God or my husband? Two years of wrestling is no easy thing. My faith was challenged so hard that I almost gave up many times. I was depressed often and I felt abandoned by God. I also was very mad at myself for not marrying someone who would let me walk out my calling. You see, when you are in the thick of it, your perspective becomes narrow. I couldn’t see a way out.

However, God can make a way where there is no way! And what I learned is that God gave us each a role and a vision for that role. I had to learn that Evan was my family now, and he needed me to help him in that way. I now realize that as the head of our marriage, God gives him wisdom for the direction of our marriage. I learned that my husband, like Christ, only wants what is best for me and our family, and I need to trust his wisdom. I also discovered that by honoring my husband and submitting to him, I was positioning myself rightly before God so he could bless me with the fulfillment of the vision he had placed before my eyes for all those years.

I am opening up to you some of the deeper things that took place with me to encourage you to have faith for the vision God has placed in your heart. He can change everything in an instant, in his perfect timing, to make that vision a reality. He can bring about the right circumstances and heart changes needed for both you and your spouse to walk in the fullness of who you were created to be. It may take time, and it may look very different for a while, but God is making something beautiful out of the mess. Gardens take time to weed, messes take time to clean up, and hears take time to change, but trust that God is able to change the heart he created. Have faith for your marriage, and do not lose heart. For great will be your reward!

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”   Galatians 6:9 (NIV)

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that FAR outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”      2 Corinthians 4:16-18 (NIV)

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