Oct 12

Hello Friends! I hope you all are well!! I have been asking God if there is anything else He would like me to cover in my communication series. No answer for a few days so forgive me for the delay. When I was talking with a friend the other day the Lord reminded me that communication should ultimately lead to something very important.

As you know, God has created principles that govern healthy relationships. When we put these principles into practice within the context of marriage we are able to mirror and reflect what our relationship with our Bridegroom Jesus Christ looks like. One of these, in my opinion, is the most influential in allowing for longevity and happiness within marriage. It is the principle of forgiveness.

Now there are entire books and books upon books written on the subject, but for now I want to focus on one question. Why was it so important that Jesus died to forgive us? When we talk about what Jesus did on the cross, we don’t say He died to redeem us, although he did. We don’t say He died to adopt us, although he did. We don’t say He died to give us a chance to know God our Father, although He did. We say He died to forgive us our sins. When we lead people to ask Jesus to come into their heart and be Lord of their life, the prayer always includes asking for forgiveness. So why is this so important?

The answer is this: what we are asking Jesus for is relationship with God. We are not simply asking to worship Him and follow His commands and precepts. e want a healthy, intimate relationship with the Almighty, and if we have offended Him in any way we want to humble ourselves before Him and make it right. Jesus paved the way for us to have relationship with God the Father by paying the price for our sins. You see, every sin comes at a cost to the relationship. Every offense and every hurt costs us intimacy, and it works the same way in every relationship, especially marriage.

When I married my husband, all I wanted was for us to be close, happy, and secure in each other. However, from the very beginning we had all these expectations of each other and neither one of us were living up to those expectations. The disappointment that ensued came out in our conversations and in the tone of our voices. I’m sure you know the feelings that crop up when you do not think your spouse is happy with you. That’s when walls come up and intimacy drops dramatically. Why would you let someone into the deepest parts of you if the little they do know disappoints them? At least that was what was going back and forth with my husband and I for a long while. As a result we said and did many hurtful things to one another, Our emotional separation led to physical separation, yet all the while we just wanted to be close and happy. We talked and talked, but seemed to get nowhere. The day came when we had to make a decision. Were we going to stay together and work it out or  go our separate ways? I remember God spoke to me and said that the only path forward was the one paved with forgiveness. The title of this blog is “The Secret to a Happy Marriage”. So what is so secret about forgiveness? It is that in the secret place in your heart is where you make the decision to forgive. It is also in the secret place where God heals your wounds once you have forgiven.

My husband and I had a conversation the weekend before I moved back home. We talked about how we were going to move forward. One of the things we both agreed upon was that we had to forgive the past in order to move forward differently. We decided not to bring up the past in arguments anymore and not to intentionally hold things against one another that had occurred in the past. That conversation became for us a paradigm shift and things began to change from there for the better. A couple of things we noticed: forgiveness does not equal trust and just because you have decided to forgive does not make everything better overnight. By forgiving one another we released ourselves from reliving the same arguments and it gave us a chance to start fresh. Little by little we began to regain trust between us. We spoke to each other from a place of love instead of contempt. Our intimacy grew with each kind gesture and with each loving word for one another. Eventually our love, trust, and intimacy was restored, but it all took place in the secret place. We cannot tell you what God did there, just that he healed, redeemed the time, and restored our marriage. Forgiving one another is the key to restoring right relationship. It is the only way forward for some marriages, especially ones on the brink of ending. If there is anything left saving, this is the method God uses to save. It is how he saved us from eternal destruction and it is how he will save everything that needs saving.

2 Corinthians 5:17-21 says, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to Himself in Christ, not counting men’s sins against them. And He has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making His appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.” I also implore you in your marriages, be reconciled to one another. Be reconciled through Christ, and the way we do that is to be reconciled through forgiveness, for this is the means that Christ uses in order for true and complete reconciliation to take place.

God Bless You!!

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